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Where Have You Been?

October 27, 2009

It has been a really rough couple of years for me and this past year, with the death of my beloved Midian, has been particularly difficult. Grief is not something that you can put a time limit on or something that you can just wish away and it can be crippling for a time. It has been for me despite how hard I’ve tried to just move on.

I’ve wanted to write about numerous things on this blog in the past year. The first being one of my favorite topics, fat travel, as I’ve taken three trips this year and written about none of them. The first trip was a Carnival cruise that I took about a month and a half before Midian died, but when I came back from the trip, my little guy was so ill that everything else got wiped from my life so that I could be with him and, in the end, be there with him in every way when it came time for him to cross the veil. And after that, there was nothing but crushing grief as I went through the motions of everyday life.

So I never wrote about the Caribbean cruise or the short camping trip in Pennsylvania or my most recent trip up the Danube River through Central Europe.

As Samhain approaches and the veil thins, I’ll place a candle in the window to light Midian’s way and maybe his spectral form will visit me again and he’ll lay his little head in my palm like he used to as I fell asleep at night.

And when the veil thickens again, I’m making myself a promise to come back to this blog and write what I wanted to write over the past year while I’ve been consumed by grief. Because, as Bubbles from The Wire said, “Ain’t no shame in holding onto grief, as long as you make room for other things.”


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