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So Now I Can Run For President

February 28, 2008

My friends reminded me of that fact this past weekend.  As of today, I’m 35, which means I could, technically, run for President of the United States.  It would be the all-scandal-all-the-time campaign ’cause, ya know, I have a life (a sometimes interesting one at that).  But seriously though, I’d never want to be president which is exactly why my friends said I should run.  I’m way too direct and honest and sneaky isn’t really in my vocabulary unless I’m planning a surprise party or something.

Turning 35 means another thing as well.  I’m also celebrating my 5th non-death day.  Let me explain.  From the time I was in my early- to mid-teens I’ve been told by my doctors that I would be dead by the time I was 30 because of my weight.  So each year that I’m still alive past 30 I like to offer up a hearty “Fuck You!” to those doctors who shilled for the weight-loss industry and forcibly promoted bariatric mutilation (to the point where they actually refused to treat me, sometimes for something as simple as allergies, unless I acquiesced to these harmful recommendations…thankfully, I have a more accepting doctor now).

Na-na-na-na-na…I’m still alive…and I haven’t lost a pound…


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